*illustration by Kim Kyungmin (https://www.instagram.com/kkim_art/) a dear friend and a wonderful artist <3

UNANSWERED

Through the course of this site, the nature of my writing unknowingly shaped into shouting some words in a void that resemble a journey and ending it with some sort of revelation - a big “this is where I landed and I now share it in writing”. It was never my intention for that to be the case, it just happened. Probably because I only sit down to write when, after letting it marinate in my mind for some time, an idea finally comes full circle and just needs to come out.

I like to write, I’d like to do it more. Waiting for revelations and answers can take a long time. In fact, as I get older I’ve grown increasingly certain that answers are rare, temporary, and likely don’t really exist. There are many narratives brewing in my mind that I Iust to write about, but put off because I have yet to have an Archimedes eureka moment. What’s the point of sharing something with no point? Feels self-conceited. Maybe it isn’t. I’ve recently begun to deeply appreciate other people shouting into the void: writers who write the lullabies of their mind, songwriters who carry stories between their chords, the tangled web of shouts in the digital space (more on the digital space to come). I’ve re-experienced the gift of appreciating, relating, and being moved by the expression of others outside of daily conversation. It’s quite special.

This is a segment where I share my ponderings on scattered topics of the world. Those that visit my mind; some biweekly, some once a year, some for the first time, and some daily, having decided to reside. My mind talks a lot and sometimes vocalizing it is all too hard, doesn’t feel right, makes it come out wrong. Maybe this IS somewhat conceited, thinking others would take delight in my thoughts so much so I artistically publish it on a personal web page. An unsound argument though, seeing as all the artists that have touched my soul must have begun the same way (I could also go on to question whether debating the egocentrism of my activities is in itself conceited). Either way, I’ve decided the writing experience is too precious for me to care.

I hope you enjoy meandering through this human brain of mine together. I invite you to ponder with me. And maybe we can all connect through experiences and ideas that are beautifully, unanswered. There’s weight in mutual pondering, as I’ve learnt to dearly value early on with a best friend of mine.

…

The sun is rising outside my window, my mind’s burnt but burning, and I sound foreign to myself.

But truthful.

Perhaps the truth has become foreign and rare.

As I sit here and write about writing, I have the urge to write about how I’m writing this at 5am, hurriedly trying to get my surge of thoughts onto my laptop before I grow too weary. And then I think to write about having the thought of writing about writing about writing.

I hope this sets the tone moving forward :)

Sincerely,
RWM

[This feels like
an experiment to see how much I can say with complete honesty
an experiment to see how honest I can get before I get uncomfortable
(upon which, the goal is to continue anyway)
I feel like a caterpillar disassembling itself
melting in a cocoon]